Fortunately for me, my friends are pretty good at throwing house parties. One I went to recently was so good that we started referring to the lounge as ‘Room One’ half way through the night.
If that doesn’t mean anything to you, then you probably shouldn’t bother reading the rest of this article. But if you thought, ‘I like clubbing. That sounds amazing,’ read on for a little wisdom on how to make your next house party a banger.
Stereos and Spotify
A quality stereo with plenty of volume is critical for a good house party. I don’t care if you have to beg, borrow or steal to get one, but please God do not use that iPod dock you got for Christmas last year. It may sound fine when you’re sipping chardonnay in the shower, but in a lounge full of bodies, it’s not going to cut it. No one will be able to tell whether you’re playing Daniel Avery or Michael Bublé, and therefore no one will be dancing.
The same goes for the tunes: it’s pretty much mandatory to have access to a Spotify Premium account if you’ve filled your house with people expecting to dance to music they actually like. So if you don’t have it, borrow a friend’s login details. But make sure it’s not linked to Facebook, unless you want the world to know that you listened to Toto’s ‘Africa’ at five in the morning.
Or even better, get your mates to DJ. It doesn’t have to be all night – your DJ friends like dancing too – but an hour long set should get things moving. And if it stops your friend-with-no-taste playing Pitbull for at least a portion of the evening, it can’t be a bad thing.
Cups and ice
Remember how much fun Phoebe from Friends had with cups and ice? Well at your next house party, that could be you.
Alcoholic drinks are generally supposed to be cold. It makes them taste better. So, clear your fridge to make space for your friends’ drinks. Or if this isn’t possible (it’s okay, I love condiments too), fill your sink/bath/ornamental pig trough with cold water and lots of ice, and sling all the booze in there.
Keep a couple of bags of the good stuff in your freezer too – those ‘mojitos’ you start making once all the beer runs out will taste much better for it. Believe me.
You should also invest in some plastic cups. You’ll thank me when you’re not picking glass out of your foot (/bum) after a late night frolic on the lawn, or spending the best part of your Sunday gagging as you remove sodden fag butts from your favourite tumblers.
Social media marketing
Okay, it’s not cool, but if you want actual guests to turn up, make a Facebook event. And give people enough notice – I’d say three weeks minimum.
In the week leading up to the party, add a reminder to the event to jog people’s memories. You don’t want to be alone with a bath full of ice come Saturday night.
Invite your neighbours
In London at least, nobody likes doing it. But it’s plain bad manners if you have a house party and don’t tell your neighbours, and you may be setting yourself up for an early shutdown.
Drop them a text, slip a note under the door – whatever method is the least likely to mean you’re forced to speak to them in person – but let them know you’re having people round, and invite them along.
Chances are they aren’t going to come, but being invited (read: warned) means they’re way less likely to complain (or call the council) about your mates singing the tune of Inspector Norse out of the bathroom window at 2am.
To theme or not to theme?
Everyone’s tolerance for fancy dress and themed parties is different, so I’m going to leave this one up to you. However, in my experience, a bit of effort from the hosts will really aid the party atmosphere.
Things as simple setting up a game of beer pong in the kitchen, hanging some streamers and fairy lights, or providing glow sticks (for Room One, natch) will make people feel like they’re actually at a party, rather than just pre-drinks for another night at The Nest.
If you are going all out on a theme, this site is pretty awesome and mega cheap. And be clear with your guests about what level of fancy dress you’re expecting. Nobody wants a Bridget Jones tarts and vicars situation on their hands.
Prepare for the aftermath
Make sure you have toilet roll, milk, bread, a four-pack of Lucozade Sport, bin bags and a Disney DVD on hand for the next day. These things require no explanation (unless you’ve never actually been to a party).
So, no excuses next time, people. Do all of the above and you’ve got a shot at throwing a decent house party.
Now. Which way to Room One?
Living London 
I miss Room 1 xxxx